Why Can't I?

Liz Phair sings a song called "Why Can't I?" It's a song about love, romance, and all the frilly things you'd imagine from a rom-com like 13 Going on 30. It's one of my favorite songs that has a nostalgic sound and reminds me of when I was a teenager watching a movie like that. The rom coms like "The Jerk Theory" and "He's Just Not That Into You."

To be honest, I wonder about myself using phrases like "why can't I?"

Why can't I be consistent?

Why can't I be confident in myself?

Why can't I stay focused?

I don't really care what you, the reader, thinks about these statements but half the time, I don't even like myself. How did I go from being so sure of myself to feeling like a dark and lost person?

Fulbright ends this month. I want to write more. I want to focus more on myself.

I haven't had a binge eating episode since winter, but I am feeling the binge urge. People think eating disorders have to be skinny inducing, but that's simply not true. I know that I am not properly diagnosed, but I have issues and think I have binge eating disorder. Am I shamed? Not really. I know it's connected to either my emotional state or something.

Recently, I've been bored eating.

I know I need to stop.

I still have 30 pounds to lose. I'm stressed. Everything feels chaotic right now!

K BYE